“One in three women may suffer from abuse and violence in her lifetime. This is an appalling human rights violation, yet it remains one of the invisible and under-recognized pandemics of our time.” Violence against women is an appalling human rights violation. But it is not inevitable. We can put a stop to this.”
– Nicole Kidman
Domestic abuse; how and why does it happen? I wish I could tell you and have some meaningful answer that moves people forwards, but I don't. Angry, faded, broken people try to victimise people they think they can control and make them the focus of their poisoned and controlling love? Jealous and soulless monsters inflict a hell that is undeserved on a person of their choosing that they feel has welcomed them to do so? Pathetic little creatures try to break those they should be supporting and cherishing?
All those things are true but there is so much more. Obviously abusers are people too, but there seems to be something wrong in their make-up, something that simply put; I cannot understand and never wish to.
How anyone can take a partner that they are meant to show love and respect to and systemically assault, destroy, control and abuse them is beyond my understanding. It's inhuman. Perhaps that is an over simplistic view and that I should try to fathom how these people can live with themselves, but I really don't want to. I just want them to fuck off, or even better, just stop being horrible, domestic despots and transform magically into real people.
Abuse is a broad term, children and adults, pensioners and the disabled fall victim to abuse, and it comes in many twisting and evil forms from sexual and physical to emotional and societally ignored . It can be emotionally based and come as control of a person's life to flaring encounters where fists take the place of words or foul words and demoralising assaults take the place of love and support.
I can't do this subject justice, have no way to tell you how this makes people feel, obviously terrible and low but it would be crap of me to try properly. I haven't felt the dark stare of someone just before they strike or had every small part of my life controlled by someone I should be able to trust and relax around.
Here are five songs, they are from various artists, have different sounds, are from different musical genres and yet they all get it. Listening I'm struck by the inherent sadness that runs through each song, the haunting and terrible understanding of loneliness that surely victims must feel.
Obviously this was kicked up by the Saatchi incident in London, the reaction on Twitter and the lack of reaction from the media immediately afterwards. All through the social networks people denounced the man for being an abuser while the Media simply turned a blind eye.
If we see someone suffering we should try to help them and if we are told to get lost then of course we must respect people's decisions. Don't judge someone that stays with an abusive partner, be they male or female, they are the only one in that situation, they know what they are feeling, how the situation is always more difficult than you, the outsider, can imagine. It's not as simple as just walking out.
It's never simple when something as complexed as emotion is involved.
In the end we must stop blaming 'the victims' and instead shift the emphasis of blame onto those that commit the crime. Strong, beautiful, wonderful people fall foul of abusers that often attack the strengths of their partners until their partner feels that their strengths are actually weaknesses.
Abuse must be stopped by stopping people from starting to abuse, not by telling people not to be abused and 'stand up for themselves.'
I'll shut up now. On with the songs. No words. Just songs.
I hope you listened to all the songs. I hope I can one day say that domestic abuse is a thing of the past. Sadly, I do not see that day coming any time soon.
Thanks for reading and listening.