Thursday, 27 June 2013

George Osborne's Big Kahuna Burger

Jules: Hey kids! How you boys doin'?
[to man laying on the couch]
Jules: Hey, keep chillin'. You know who we are? We're associates of your business partner Marsellus Wallace. You do remember your business partner don't you? Let me take a wild guess here. You're Brett, right?
Brett: Yeah.
Jules: I thought so. You remember your business partner Marsellus Wallace, don't you, Brett?
Brett: Yeah, yeah, I remember him.
Jules: Good. Looks like me an Vincent caught you boys at breakfast. Sorry about that. Whatcha havin'?
Brett: Hamburgers.
Jules: Hamburgers! The cornerstone of any nutritious breakfast. What kind of hamburgers?
Brett: Ch-cheeseburgers.
Jules: No, no no, where'd you get 'em? McDonalds? Wendy's? Jack in the Box? Where?
Brett: Big Kahuna Burger.
Jules: Big Kahuna Burger. That's that Hawaiian burger joint. I hear they got some tasty burgers. I ain't never had one myself. How are they?
Brett: They're good.
Jules: Mind if I try one of yours? This is yours here, right?
[Picks up burger and takes a bite]
Jules: Mmm-mmmm. That is a tasty burger. Vincent, ever have a Big Kahuna Burger?
[Vincent shakes his head]
Jules: Wanna bite? They're real tasty.
Vincent: Ain't hungry.
Jules: Well, if you like burgers give 'em a try sometime. I can't usually get 'em myself because my girlfriend's a vegetarian which pretty much makes me a vegetarian. But I do love the taste of a good burger. Mm-mm-mm.

Okay, I'm presuming we all know how Brett ends the scene? Hell we all know what happens to Marvin too! But we are not here to talk Pulp Fiction (but oh my good it's good isn't it?!). Nope, we are here to talk about George and his burger.

See, let me lay this out for you, that okay? Cool. George, tweeted a pic... Oh, sorry, first fuck up. 'George Tweeted,' no, no he didn't. One of his team did presumably, but still, lets move on. So George tweeted a pic of himself eating a burger and chips. He was working on his spending review speech. Now I know he's going to miss the sad hilarity of that remark but oh well.

Obviously this pic was sent out to make him look like a 'man of the people', and what could be more normal than having to grab food on the hop because you have too much to do? Nothing. So good on you matey!


The Burger turns out to be a Byron Burger, which is £9.70 to buy. 

I'm hoping that's one tasty burger. Worthy of Jules and his pre gun rampage feast in Pulp Fiction! A burger of true excellence!

See, the thing is, George? You are one of 'the people', yes, but you are not 'a man of the people.' I didn't even know what a Byron burger was until I was informed. I presumed you could spend that and far more on food if you wanted to but you'd have to be ignoring any budget restraints to do so, right? You'd have to be loaded to spend that much on a burger as far as I'm concerned.

Now I don't begrudge your wealth George. I don't. There will always be rich people, like you, and there will always be financially poor like, like me, and that isn't going to change. The thing that worries me is that you are more than likely going to charge the tax payer for that burger, you are more than likely going to have another real soon and ...


Now a man that is laying waste to jobs and providing no industry to back that cull, a man that is saying that every penny counts, is splashing a wedge of cash on a single burger. It doesn't show us we are 'in it together,' it shows us that we are in it and you and the other M.P'S aren't. 

You'll never be a man of the people George, and neither will any of your mates, or in fact will the people we laughingly refer to as 'The opposition'. You are NOT suffering in the recession and you are NOT likely to pull us out of it by NOT investing, NOT searching for a mass industry that will employ millions, and NOT controlling what government costs.

You and the gathered politicians may not get it, so I'll lay it out for you right now. You cut money to people that really need it, you cancel payments to the sick and the poor, you cut spending so increasing the amount of unemployed and then you attack the unemployed and the sick for costing the government too much money. The amount of money you spend on catching benefit fraud is more than you save by stopping it. Just stop fucking about and make jobs!

You're hypocrisy really does hold no bounds, as you, our representatives, increase the amount of pay you get and shift your hours round so you can sit on boards of companies to make even more money! You claim for homes and food and cars and employ your relatives and still you tell us WE ARE THE PROBLEM?!!


Now, you may feel I have assaulted you, insulted you and laid the crimes of others at your feet, but George, it isn't just a burger. That there is a big, tasty, Kahuna burger. And yes George, You are chowing down from our plates. And yes George, you are telling us to tighten our belts. And yes George, it does show us exactly the problem.

It's not just a burger. It's your burger. The rest of us simply can't afford it and you just don't get it.       

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