Bedtime Stories

How many stories do you read to the kids before bed? Is it one and then lights out? Two followed by a kiss and a tucking in? Three?

The media seems to think we stick our kids in bed post t.v and leave all that 'educating stuff' to the proper people in the schools, after all, how could we grip the idea of teaching our kids something or perhaps show interest in our children?! Madness!

Well I'm not here to bang on about the evils of the media or how wrong or right they have it, I figured I'd tell you about our nightly passage and maybe that would interest you?

Dinner is nearly always taken as a family in the kitchen around our battered table; peas are complained about, food is pushed around the plate in a disgruntled way, Dot will flail her arms, drinks will be knocked and people will insist on breaking the 'no talking when your mouths full' rule sending yours truly into a short lived frump about table manners and the wrongs of flicking your peas.

Baths follow, people are meant to go and read their 'bath time books' which are geared to each age range and are meant to give the guys something to do while they wait on the conveyor belt before being tipped into the wet stuff. The 'bath book' for Wig (9) is Lord Of The Rings, Roo (12) is reading Dragons Of Summer Flame and Fluff (7) is reading the Piggie and Elephant books. There are nights when the books are replaced by name calling, P.J throwing and general silliness but we have a fairly good system in place.

Anyway, on with the book thing right? Right.

Come sofa time and we generally do at least three to five picture books for the Dot (3), Petal (5) and Fluff while the others lounge around reading and trying to negotiate the use of the t.v for the night (sometimes you just want some time to be an adult and get some peace and quiet you know?). Beds and here, here is what I want to talk to you about; what they keep under their pillows...

Stalking in they slump into their beds and one by one I go around and read to them. Sometimes we are pushed for time or they've had one of those days, but if all is good then pages are expected to be read! *small child scowls*

Fluff flips us his pillow and reveals his current kick; Captain America! Now most of the stuff I have is Ed Brubaker's modern run, that takes in Winter Soldier, The Death Of Captain America, Reborn and onwards. It's quite edgy, tough and complicated in places and he loves it! Now we keep the voices down if possible but its hard to do when you're pretending to be an ego-maniacal Nazi lunatic like the Red Skull!

Petal has a fondness for classic X-Men and so I'm reading her the 'Dark Phoenix Saga', yeah I know, plenty of corsets and mind control but hell, she likes it and is cheering the goodies on! The bugger with this period is the amount of accents in the team! Nightcrawler (German), Banshee (Irish), Moira McTaggart (Scottish), Colossus (Russian), Storm (Kenyan) and all the other X-Men are from Canada and North America. It becomes a real battle when Banshee, Moira and Nightcrawler all start talking to each other I can tell you :-)


Finally we come to Dot; she LOVES Lockjaw and the Pet Avengers!

No, this isn't a seventies thing, this is a modern, recently published title centred on the powered (and not so powered) animals of the Marvel Universe. It's weird and silly and her favourite by far is 'FROG THOR!' I'll let you consider that for a second.

FROG THOR.

I know.

Still, this is a really well written title; funny, silly, well drawn, bright, colourful, full of joy. It's got it all baby!

Now I think my point is that we are smothered in books, words, letters, and that is grand, but that isn't it really. I think my real point is that we value all the platforms of reading, all of it has merit and that merit is equally appreciated. A love of reading and of books doesn't mean that they learn to read classics and worthy books but that they learn to read and that they read because they want to.

It's not seen as a chore, it's fun!

Learn to love reading, learn to love reading what you love to read. Don't let people tell you what you're reading isn't right/good/worthy. Read for joy, love and explore your passions. Your kids will see you reading, learn to understand that reading is fun and something that excites and will fall in love themselves.

FROG THOR (THROG)...  (I know...)

Obviously we need to teach the kids to read but we also need to teach them to love reading and that comes from us.

Music Monday: Animal Magic

So here we are, Monday again and we need a theme. This week it's 'Animals' or specifically songs with an animal or animals in the title. Easy yeah? Well, there is no way of hiding it, yes, easy it was indeed!

ANIMAL MAGIC by Professor Elemental

Yes, the Professor is a regular here, you are correct! I can't help the fact that he makes songs purely so I can feature them on my blog. Talk to him, get him to sort it out! It really isn't my problem!

This is from an album of his called 'The indifference Engine' and it is a great album indeed. Enjoy the chap hop master as he bops and pops you with his fantastically silly track.





BIRD ON A WIRE by Katey Sagal & The Forest Rangers

Really like the original song but this is a fabulous version from a show I love! I bought the album featuring the music from season one to four and its totally brilliant! Can't get enough of it.

I offer you this moody and quiet piece of music to chill to. Great stuff!





DOG WITH NO TAIL by The Pale

My brother loved The Pale back in 1992/93 and we shared a flat with another excellent chap. When this album entered the premises it stayed always close to the stereo and featured such classics as 'I Want To Steal Your Car' and 'Butterfly'. Yeah, these guys didn't take themselves too seriously, had an infectious sound that just made me want to get pissed and dance like an arsehole and well, here they are for you.

Barking mad this lot.





WALK LIKE A PANTHER by All Seeing (feat. Tony Christie)

Normally I don't find Tony Christie cool. Is that a failing in me? Something that will be corrected by forced surgery when the current government runs out of things to tax and so must alter the populations musical tastes  just so they feel they have made an impact on our fucking lives?! Unlikely. Still this breaks my Christie isn't cool rule, because it really is very cool indeed!

Stick on some shades, walk slowly down the road to this booming on your m.p3 player or I-pod. Yeah.... You are suddenly the coolest fucker on planet.




We play out this week with something lovely, as we must when something loud or horrible starts. Eva Cassidy.

Bliss.




Next week we will have something sunny I think, or not, depending on the weather, if the weather ever makes up it's mind, which all know it won't.

Bastard weather!

Thanks for listening and reading!

Silent Sunday

Music Monday : Lost In Translation.

Charlotte: I just don't know what I'm supposed to be.

Bob: You'll figure that out. The more you know who you are, and what you want, the less you let things upset you.

Lost In Translation, a fabulous film and one I could gush on about for hours, but bizarrely this week is not about that wonderful movie. Nope, I'm afraid I'm just using the title and reeling you in. 

Bad Edd.

Okay, so this week we are in fact doing covers that are in an alternative language to the original or famous version. In truth I wanted to have a song feature here and couldn't think of a gimmick to bring it in and so went off looking for other great songs that had different feels when translated. What I actually found were a boat load of car crash tunes and so felt, why not, let's do the good, the bad and the down right ugly.

Tonight is gonna be tough on you, and I wouldn't blame you if you didn't click on some of these tracks, but if you do I guarantee that what you here cannot be unheard.

You've been warned.

JE T'AIME TROP TOI by Claude Francois

Yeah, I don't have much to say about it other than that this probably isn't massively flattering to the original and in truth that original could have done without the extra kicking. 

Come back Sonny and Cher, wherever you are (though don't because a zombie Sonny would freak me out)

HEROES by David Bowie

Bowie, in German. Actually it's still pretty good. Then again you can't really have a go at Bowie can you? The luster's start up a fuss and the music fans call you a Muppet, so... here he is.





LA TUA IMMAGINE by Dino

No, I'm not sure what I think about this one. Right, Italian is a nice language and all and so people should do the whole translating thing and so perhaps this is cool? I'm such a huge fan of the original and of Simon and Garfunkle that I'm probably blinded.

See what you think.




HOW DEEP IS YOUR LOVE by Yuki Masuyama

Bee Gee's are cool. Yeah they do that squeaky voice, falsetto thing, but a lot of their songs are incredibly well written and if you go grab a list of the stuff they've written for other people its amazing how many they have actually pumped out.

This is dude has an original take on the whole thing, I'm not sure how that works out for you but I was heading for the kitchen to Mr Blond myself afterwards.

Sorry.




Finally! The main event! I recently bought the Sons Of Anarchy seasons 1-4 album, thinking it would hit a smooth line between Rock and blues. When I slammed that puppy on I found something far more powerful in the quieter moments. 'Strange Fruit' is on there and its a fabulous version for sure, along with a whole heap of other, incredible, haunting tracks.

This is something I picked up on going through the first time and went straight back when the album had finished. It's rare someone can cover a Dylan song and get away with it, I think he's brilliant, even with the nasal singing. Here we have a light, soft, gentle version of a Dylan classic.

I love the original, I love this version, I hope you love it too.




Right, that's it for this week. Next week? Not sure yet. Any suggestions then just let me know. :-)

Thanks for reading.

Silent Sunday

Those Stupid Lists

The idiocy of lists strikes me as being ball bustlingly funny.  No, not ‘to do lists’ or lists of things you’d like to shop for or even guest lists for weddings, parties, funerals or Barmitzvahs, nope, I'm talking about  lists of ‘The Best!’

Ask me what my favourite film is and you get a blank face. What’s my favourite book? Nope. How about my favourite person? Okay, that’s easy, it’s my wife. But bar that one exception and perhaps some other rare exceptions to the rule the fact is that lists are stupid. Popular lists are the stupidest lists of all.

We all have different tastes , kinks, loves and hates. Some like a certain hair colour, some love beards, some love muscles, boobs,  dramas,  thrillers, big books, small books, realistic heroes, tight spandex, we all like different things. So when I'm told Helen Flanagan is the world’s sexiest woman I say ‘meh’.

No, I'm not putting a pic of her up. No, I'm not going to say she’s made up, not realistic, airbrushed, fake, gorgeous, stunning,  fit or any other judgement on Ms Flanagan. It’s pointless. Is she well put together? Probably. Gwenyth Paltrow is well put together too. Is she the most beautiful woman in the world? Not to everyone, that statement is clearly absurd.

Time Magazine got it sort of right; they produce a list of the 100 people from around the world that they think are the most influential. They come from industry, sport, music, fashion, education, politics  writing and even though they left me out I forgive them. It’s not graded in order, its just 100 people that are incredibly influential. That works for me.

I know that these lists are manufactured by magazines and general media to sell magazines and market people, to pimp them to the populous with the promise of more flesh next year, bigger biceps, louder music or greater exposure than ever before. That doesn't stop these stupid lists pissing me off.

The simple truth is the most influential person in your life is you. Doesn't matter how many times you watch Beckham kick a ball, if you’re not down the park or in the garden practising three hundred corners a week you won’t do anything other than watch, you won’t ever have the chance to be as good. If an actor inspires you then surely it’s to be bolder, take risks, show more of yourself in the acting you do. If a politician is someone you really believe in then you’ll be campaigning for them.

Edd in Inspiring pose

The most beautiful person you know is probably your partner and that comes in the reflection of each others love, intensifying the emotional connection and it is emotional connection that produces true feelings of love and so attraction. Lifting a dudes member isn't hard. Hell, some people get stiffies watching Jessica Rabbit, some (cruel to say Wayne Rooney?) get a kick out of Nora Batty. Some women seem to get a lift out of nearly every beard or peck. Arousing is easy, touching is far tougher.

Lists are stupid, they mean nothing when applied the wrong way.

Make a list, think about how to do the things you want to do on that list. Visualise your success, see your prize and then put in all the effort you can to make those words on your list become achievements that you have reached.

Keep it simple, keep it real, go for it.

Magazine lists can kiss my chocolate starfish.

Here’s my list for the next two weeks. I’ll be as honest as I can here.

-         - Eat well every day.

-         -  Get some exercise

-         - Work more, talk less.

-         - Make the talking I do mean more.

-         - Complete all the tasks I need to on my first book.

-         - Release said book on Kindle and try not to vomit from nerves.

-         - Help the kids over their Chickenpox.

-         -  Read second book through and start to make alterations needed.

-         - Watch six movies from my shelf of unloved dvd’s.

-         - Be the best person I can be.

-         - Complete the decorating of teens bedroom/walk in cupboard so he sops leaving his crap everywhere.

-         - Move teen back into a freshly decorated room for him to turn into a pit.

-         - Make love as much as possible.

That’s my list. It’s not in any order. If the kids and my wife need me more then the rest drop off and get moved to next weeks list. If I get hit by a falling piano I add ‘get well as soon as possible’ to the list and delete the rest. I'm flexible, like Time Magazines list of 100 most influential people... That I didn't get on. Again.

What’s on your list?

Eyeballs Need To Play Catch-Up.

I have four shelves full of movies and I decided a short while ago that I should make sure I've watched all the films on the shelves before I bring more in. Now this, I thought, wouldn't be sure a big thing, I mean, how many of these movies haven't I seen right?! Obviously I'd watched most of them before so I decided I'd need to add any that I'd bought but hadn't watched that specific copy before.

That will widen the watch a bit but not make it too bad... Big mistake.

I've been through my shelves and I know I tend to pick up things I see on the cheap, for when I fancy watching them in the future. Imagine I've been doing that for a while, are you there? Good, I hadn't worked out that the number wouldn't be in the tens but in the fifties!

I made a list, I checked it twice, I'd discovered I'd been naughty and so have to follow through and watch all these films before I buy another one. Yeah, that means I'm not buying The Life Of Pi. That's a pretty big ouch for me.

To make this list more manageable I have taken out the films I really don't want to see, heh, that was easy, it still only brings me down to 46, but still, a little can go a long way.

THE PLAN

I felt this needed a separate heading, you know, to make it seem like I actually have one that is going to work (not fooled are you? Nope, didn't think so). So here it is; I will watch a series of double and triple bills to make this tally plummet, enlisting eldest son, wife, and anyone else I can rope in as film buddies. I will hammer through the list and find that once done it will be many months down the line and I will then have money to make a new, fabulous war chest of flicks for watching.

That is as far as the plan has moved forward. Yep. Just call me Monty and be done with it.

Below is a list, a list of flicks I've bought and left on the shelf, unwatched, unloved, unacceptable! I'll put notes by them, perhaps even ratings in the form of stars? Who knows, its a long fucking list and I could get bored.

Aliens (5 stars)
Alien 3 (4 stars)
American Beauty (5 stars)
Black Swan (4 stars) (A weird but brilliant film that is very much like a one watch only movie.)
Blade Runner (4 stars) (yeah, there are five versions, I'm only watching one of the fuckers)
Carrie (Never seen it! WOO HOO)
Cloverfield (Never Seen it! Woo Hoo)
Copland (4 stars)
Dark City (3 stars)
Days Of Glory (A war film I got for free. Never seen it! Woo Hoo)
The Debt (4 stars)
The Departed (4 stars) (Glad Marty finally got the Oscar, still confused how Goodfellas missed out)
District 9 (4 stars)
Eternal Sunshine Of The Spotless Mind (4 stars)
Fight Club (5 stars)
French Kiss (3 stars)
The Golden Child (4 stars) (Eighties gold right here)
The Hangover (4 stars) (Shock comedy at its best)
Harry Brown (5 stars) (A powerful and terrifying film)
Heat (5 stars)
The Holiday (3 stars)
Immortals (3 stars)
Invictus ( Never Seen it! Woo Hoo)
Iron Sky (Never Seen it!)
Kingdom Of Heaven (3 stars) (This isn't the special edition)
Layer Cake (4 stars)
The Last King Of Scotland (4 stars)
The last Of The Mohicans (5 stars) (I love this film sooooo much)
The Man In The Iron Mask (3 stars) (The diCaprio version)
The Naked Gun Trilogy (3 stars) (I'll watch one)
The Orphanage (Never seen it! Woo Hoo)
The Pianist (Never Seen it!)
Pulp Fiction (5 stars) (I saw this in the cinema. I got there by lying on the laps of three men in the back seat of a small red Renault. Life gets weird when you're the small guy)
Repomen (3/4 stars) (Jude Law movie, can't make up my mind if it's just the violence that's cool)
Scarface (Never seen it! Woo hoo) (Yeah, I know, how the fuck have I not seen it?!)
The Shinning (5 stars) (Scariest film I've ever seen and I'm not looking forward to it at all)
The Sixth Sense (4 stars) (The one that started HIS career and still his best. Shaylaylamiwaddiedoo)
The Thin Red Line (5 stars) (Yeah I know it's pretentious and incredibly long  but I love it!)
True Romance (4 stars)
The Truman Show (4 stars)
28 Days Later (5 stars) (I love this film too! God its good!)
Unstoppable (Never seen it! Woo hoo!)
V For Vendetta (4 stars)
Walk The Line (Never seen it! Woo hoo!)
Young Guns (4 stars) (Eighties GOLD!)
Young Guns 2 (4 stars) (Not quite as good but I still love it Nineties GOLD!)

Yes, there are other (far more) films on the shelves but these puppies will be done in the coming months. Even if it is just to clear the decks for more hoarding!

Thanks for reading. Probably incredibly boring but hell, I'll not let that keep me awake.