So we have many things happening in the world which are upsetting. Cruel, ridiculous, unfair and down right evil things. So many in fact that it makes you wonder how the hell we got this far as a race... and yet tonight my rage is not aimed at men who club pensioners with harsh budgets or idiots that plummet their country into colossal debt and then blame the next government in...no. Tonight I ask you why the fuck would anyone want to molest the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles? WHY?!
Its trivial and sad and just not really worth a moan when placed next to the real worries of the world but this week Michael Bay announced he was adapting the Turtles, making a new movie, due out December 2013, and that the Turtles were now going to be... Aliens.
I want you to breathe that in.
That's right. No, go back and re-read, its okay, I was fighting with the logic of it too.
Are you ready to continue? Cool.
So what the hell is the problem right? It's a comic, a story, a t.v series several times over and has made more money than perhaps it ever really deserved too. Don't get me wrong, I love The Turtles, but seriously?! Come on! The Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles?! A global phenomenon?! Fuck off!
We know the story, we know the characters and we know the deal... a new version takes a certain perspective shift to make sure its not like the old and so if he wants to take the brand and re-jig it then why the hell shouldn't he?! Well, I would say because its lazy.
Presumably Mr Bay has the swing and the sway to get projects he wants to do off the ground, he's a huge movie director right? A king of the modern, dumb, summer effects fests! He doesn't need to have an established fan base for his story...So why the fuck take something with a massive fan base and screw with it? Why not just rock up and say 'Hi, I'm Michael Bay and I want to make this huge movie about a group of warriors that fight crime...and they are from outer space!'? Surely if they do their own thing then they can get a whole different visual style rolling and make it as expensive and stupid as usual without dumping on something people already like? Surely it doesn't work to piss off the target audience with the first press release?!
Now its not that its The Turtles (No I'm not typing their fucking names every single time I mention them so give up on it 'cause it ain't happening), its that this is something that doesn't need to happen. Bay can get some FX guys in a room, get some writers to put some shit together and then make a kickass film that's low on... well, everything other than effects... and huge on effects! He doesn't need to do this crazy Donatello bumming thing!
So a plea, a request... a suggestion... for the greater movie making world out there; if you don't have faith in your product enough to see it all the way then don't try to high jack another story and a pre-existing fan base to bolt it too. Its just crap, unimaginative and cowardly. Have faith in what you do and don't coast.
Peace out.
Be excellent to each other.
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